Conversion Of A Sad Man

What's the most theologically correct way to become a Christian? Are there tried-and-tested techniques? Traps to beware of?

As far as traditional options go, consensus among theologians is that the three most prestigious methods are:

1. Seeing A Blinding Light;
2. Climbing Up A Tree;
3. Being Healed Of Paraplegia.

Obviously the third takes a little preparation and involves a certain amount of risk. You will need four friends and a big hammer.

At the other end of the scale, common schoolboy errors include:

1. Building Some Barns;
2. Putting One's Hand To The Plough And Looking Back;
3. Going Away Sad.

These generally lead to trouble, and are to be avoided.

But what of the modern Gentile? How is he or she to move from darkness to light?

I can only offer you the benefits of personal experience. The following short video clip (I had no idea I was being recorded!) details my own conversion, and even the exact moment of regeneration.

I believe this is the first time that the precise mechanics of quickening have been captured on film. Scientists will no doubt get straight to work attempting to reproduce the phenomenon under laboratory conditions.